38 Weeks And Counting

Tomorrow is Christmas, and I will be 38 weeks on the dot!

 I have been meaning to post on here for months, but it just never happened.

Here I be at 37 weeks! 

And here's a quick catch up from the last time I posted.

A week or so after I last posted, Kevin and I decided we were all in for a home birth, whether my insurance was or not. I think he saw the emotional toll it was taking on me, phone call after phone call with the insurance, and he didn't think it was worth it. It was a struggle for me, being ok with the  the financial part of it, but there is still a good chance that they will pay for part of the birth (after I go through the appeal process). All in all it's money, and it's not going to break us. If my insurance does smart up and pay for their portion, it may actually be the same cost as it was for Dallin. Either way, we will be ok, and thank goodness for tax returns!

In November, I hired Kimberly Flake again to be our doula. I'm excited for her and her birth pool to be at our house come labor day:) She came over and gave me a prenatal massage which was wonderful. We went over my birth plan (one I used for Dallin) in case of a transfer, just so we could get that over with and set out minds on the fact that I'm having this baby at home:) We talked about where to put the birth pool and a few other things. She offered to take pictures using our camera, and will also encapsulate my placenta like last time.

At 32 weeks I started my hypnobabies home study course. This is the same childbirth prep I used with Dallin's birth, and I'm hoping to get the same results. It's been difficult finding time to listen to the scripts every day, but I do them pretty much every night as I'm going to bed. I fall asleep a few minutes in, but they say that even if you are asleep that they will still benefit you. We shall see:)

Two weeks ago, I had my 36 week in home appointment with my midwife Anne Marie and student midwife Nikki. We had a nice visit, and I was glad that Kevin was able to be there. It was the first midwife appointment he has been to this pregnancy, other then the ultrasound at 20 weeks. For about a month prior, I had slowly started gathering all the home birth supplies on the list she gave me. At this appointment I had them all ready in Josie's co-sleeper. Looks like a mess kind of, but it is actually quite organized...atleast for me:)

 

 We gave them a quick tour of our house, and talked about the set up that we will have in our bedroom for the birth. Anne Marie asked Kevin if he wanted to catch this time, and we decided that either him or I would catch, assuming that we are in a good position to do so. I'm excited!

For those who are curious, here's part of the homebirth supply list. The only things we needed to buy were the birth kit, coconut water (for hydration), some drop cloths, and an aquarium net. The rest of the stuff was already in our house, and just needed to be collected. This of course, doesn't include all the supplies that my midwife will be bringing to the birth.

 

At my last appointment I got some red raspberry leaf tea (Mormon-friendly peeps), and have been drinking one cup every day. The herbs are suppose to help tone your uterus so that contractions will be more effective. It does not induce labor, but strengthens the uterus, and so I decided to give it a try. I've also been making sure to continue all my supplements. I'm not a big fan of taking any sort of pill, but since I know the good they are doing it makes it easy.

Every night before bed I take a prenatal (rainbow lite one a day), two calcium magnesium (generic,saves me from charlie horses in the middle of the night!), and two flax oil (barleans-great source of omega fatty acids). Overall I have felt really good this pregnancy. Healthy, although I do have the usual pregnancy discomforts, but there isn't a supplement for that:) I believe the supplements are helping a lot.

It's kind of crazy thinking that I am actually going to have a home birth, and in about 2 weeks! It's been a dream of mine ever since I started researching birth options after I had the twins. I thought that once I had the OK to have a home birth that I would be so ecstatic and bouncing off the walls wanting to tell everyone. That hasn't been the case. I feel good about our decision, but it's more of a good normal peaceful feeling. It reminds me of when I gave birth to Dallin, and how I wondered if I would cry or yell something in excitement like many VBAC moms do, but instead I just felt like that same peaceful good feeling. Like it was the way things should be. Kind of the same thing I think.

Now I just wonder when she is going to come, and how her birth will be. I envision labor starting in the morning or afternoon, and then giving birth in the evening or early morning. I can see it happening within a 24 hour period, and I can see it being quicker then last time. I can see myself laboring in the pool again, and giving birth there, although I will go wherever I feel like at the moment. Our bed and a birth stool will also be options. Her due date is January 8th. My guess is the 5th or the 12th because everyone in our family but me is born on the 5th or the 12th. Then again, maybe she'll join me on the 16th:) I'm horrible at guessing though, but I'm glad she will come when she is good and ready. That is what is most important!

I made it to a temple session this last week, and I was so glad I did. I really wanted to go before I had her, because I knew things would only get busier. Being in the temple gave me such a peaceful and comforting feeling, and it's exactly what I need going into this birth. I prayed and meditated about her birth, and asked for angels to be here in our home as she is ushered into this world. I know they will be there for me and for Josie, and I feel blessed for yet another opportunity to bring a child into our family.

Wish us luck:)

Interviews, Insight And Inspiration

The first week of July, and at 13 weeks along, I interviewed two midwives that can legally do HBACs (home birth after cesarean) in Arizona. They are my only legal options at the moment. It was wonderful being able to sit down with them and talk about birth and their experience, etc. It was also great to know that they would take me as a client. Days before, I made a long list of questions to ask them, and tried to be as thorough as possible. Each consultation ended up taking about an hour, and gave me a good idea as to their personality, practices,education, knowledge and hands on experience. They were both wonderful women, and I was grateful for their willingness to sit down with me and give of their time.

Something that I really appreciated from these interviews was the insight that each midwife offered when it came to choosing where to give birth. Neither of them tried to convince me that home birth was the right thing to do. They had both given birth in a hospital setting as well as in their own homes. They both knew and understood what a big decision and commitment it was either way. Both midwives encouraged me in my searching and pondering to really follow my intuition and go with my "gut," when deciding what was best for me and my baby. I of course translated that into listening to The Spirit, and that is what I was hoping to do.

After the first interview, I left feeling that a home birth would be safe for me and my body. At that point, my mind and prayers were focused solely on the baby I am carrying, and what is right for him or her. The second interview came, and at the end I mentioned my concern of giving birth to a baby with special needs at home. When Kevin and I were first married, I read an article in the Ensign and had a feeling that there was a possibility of having a special needs child in our family. So far our three children have been born healthy and have developed normally, so there's always that thought in the back of my mind, that maybe this time will be different. There is such a wide variety of special needs out there, and some are seen at birth, while others don't manifest themselves until later in life. I think I was curious how this could effect the baby's health if they were not born in the hospital. The midwife told me about some special needs babies (down syndrome) that had been born at home with her and the midwife she apprenticed with. They were both fine, and nothing negative came of them being born at home. She remarked that this isn't always the case, and that it depends on the severity of the "special needs" per se. I was grateful for her insight and honesty in her experiences.

As my kids and I left her office and began loading up in the car, The Spirit hit me.  I felt that a home birth and a hospital birth were both safe, and good options for this baby. The concern and worry about the health my baby was met with a comforting feeling, and I felt that my Heavenly Father was pleased with me and my desire to find and do the right thing. A few more thoughts came to my mind that I will keep private, but ultimately I knew that the choice of birth place was up to me, and I was not expecting that.

After reviewing the information I gathered at the interviews, I found that I felt good about the second midwife, and had confidence that she could provide a safe environment to birth in at home. The first midwife was great, but lacked in experience which is a necessity for me to feel comfortable. My husband and I agreed that it would be best to transfer to the 2nd midwives care, and continue with plans for a home birth. Before I called her to share the news, I wanted to double check with my insurance. I figured she would be covered as out of network, but found that they would not cover her at all because she is a naturopathic doctor as well as a midwife. I argued with them two different times on the phone, but there was no working around it. If I use her as my provider, I would have to pay 100% out of pocket and would not have any insurance benefit.

So to break it down Arizona law says I can't use a midwife at home unless she is a CNM or a Naturopathic Doctor, yet my insurance says I don't have any coverage for a midwife if she IS a Naturopathic Doctor. Kind of ironic, isn't it?! They almost completely cancel each other out, other then the CNM option. Dallin's birth with a midwife in the hospital cost us between $600-$700 for everything (including prenatal care). I understoood that doing a home birth, and using an out-of-network provider would cost us more, but wa not planning on having to pay for everything on our own.  If I were to use the midwife I felt good about, it would cost us around $2900. As of now it's too much of a financial burden, and I am searching frantically trying to find another legal option that will have some insurance coverage. This is where I am at the moment.

I could just stick with the Bethany midwives and have a hospital "drive through delivery," like I did with Dallin, but I still have the desire to be at home. I have a hard time visualizing myself at the hospital giving birth, but if I have to do it I will. I just keep hoping and praying that another option will open up to me. I've sent out emails, called birth centers, and searched out other midwives that may be able to take me, but so far I've had no luck.  It's annoying, because I consider myself low risk and pretty similar to all the other moms out here in AZ who have their pick of any midwife in the valley. Even so, my previous c/s almost 5 years ago, prevents me from having real options when it comes to birthing at home. It doesn't seem fair, but I know respecting the laws even when I don't agree with them is the right thing to do. I have faith that Heavenly Father is aware of my situation, and that he will bless me with whatever He sees fit, and as my husband keeps assuring me "the right thing will happen":)

Wait For It

I've noticed that every time I want to post something on here, it usually has to do with something spiritual. Pregnancy and birth can be such a spiritual journey, and so I'll continue to share that part of my experiences as well. As you can tell from my last post, patience has been hard to come by lately. I opened up the Ensign the other day, which is our church magazine that comes once a month, and as usual there was a message waiting for me.  The article was titled "Waiting on the Lord, Renewing Our Strength."

In regards to pregnancy and birth there are definitely times of waiting.  Waiting to become pregnant, waiting to figure things out, or find answers regarding the pregnancy and birth, and ultimately waiting for the baby to make their debut. We are waiting for things to happen at different times throughout life, whether they are birth related or not.  It's a short article, and a good one, so I figured I'd just share the whole thing. I underlined some parts that were particularly helpful in my situation:)

"Most everyone has experienced anxiety or anticipation while waiting for something. As a single adult, I certainly have learned what it means to wait. For this reason Isaiah 40:31 has come to have special meaning for me: “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint” (emphasis added). Many of us dread waiting, but through the prophet Isaiah, the Lord tells us that waiting can actually be a good thing.

In the past I’ve thought of waiting as wasted time, such as when I wait for a plane to take off or wait in line at the grocery store. This kind of waiting requires little action on our part; it’s mostly a matter of biding our time. This type of waiting is also usually paired with frustration and impatience. Consider how you feel when someone you are waiting for is late. By the time the person arrives, you may be so upset that you had to wait that you don’t appreciate the fulfillment of your anticipation.

Of course, this is not the kind of waiting that Isaiah said could “renew [our] strength.” On the contrary, impatient waiting tends to leave us physically and emotionally exhausted. I have been guilty of this kind of waiting too often.

So what kind of waiting was Isaiah describing? The Hebrew word translated as wait also means “hope for” and “anticipate” (Isaiah 40:31, footnote a). To add my own interpretation, I like to think of waiting in terms of a waiter at a restaurant. In this sense, to wait on someone is to serve that person. A good waiter—or server—gives his or her customers excellent care and attention by checking in often, learning their desires, and attending to them. When I adopt this attitude toward the Lord, it adds purpose to the time I spend awaiting a particular blessing. In fact, time seems to pass more quickly when I am diligently working to serve God. Ironically enough, it’s through this work that I “renew [my] strength.”

The same amount of time will pass whether I am squandering it in anger and impatience or using it to serve the Lord and His children. Choosing to “wait upon the Lord”—or viewed another way, to serve Him—yields far more satisfying results. This choice also helps me remember that because Heavenly Father’s greatest desire is to bless His children with what will ultimately help us be happy, He will not only give me what I need, He’ll also give it at the time that is best for me.

Shifting my attitude from one of “just waiting” to “waiting upon the Lord” has shown me that waiting can be a good thing after all. This perspective has opened my eyes to the many gifts Heavenly Father has given me. Most of all, it has given my life renewed strength, purpose, and meaning."

   Looking back at my last pregnancy, I realize that there was a good amount of waiting before I came to my ultimate decision on a provider and birth place. I started off with a DO at 9 weeks, changed to a midwife group at 27 weeks, interviewed a homebirth midwife shortly after, and then finally felt like I had a sure answer on what was best for that birth. Things would have turned out so differently if I would have given up on interviewing and searching past 9 weeks. What a blessing it was to have all that time to really ponder and know what was best. 

First Trimester Round Up

For anyone who may be following this blog and not my family blog, SURPRISE! Baby #4 is on their way and expected in early/mid January:)

(baby bump at 9 weeks)

Yesterday I hit the 12 week mark, and boy I am glad to be done with the first trimester! I keep starting blog posts and then not completing them, or not being happy with the way they turn out. My thoughts and experiences are kind of all over the place, and I usually prefer things to be a little more organized when I share. I do want to blog about my experiences and feelings, even if they aren't entertaining for everyone to read and I figure I must start somewhere!  Here is a round up of sorts from my first trimester for those who are interested, and for myself obviously:)

Charting:

I found out super early again that I was pregnant thanks to charting. I think I was like 3.5 weeks! Usually you can't get a positive at that point, but the pale line was there. We got pregnant the first time I ovulated after Dallin weaned, which was quite a surprise. I don't get a period when I'm nursing. I had one period a few months after he stopped breastfeeding, and here we are again. I'm not complaining though! Just shocked is all. This baby was meant to come sooner then we had expected for whatever reason:) Another blessing of charting was having a better "guess" date for when this baby would arrive. I'm not a 14 day ovulater, like they assume all women are. I ovulate on day 20 regularly, and so my due date is 6 days later then if I just went off of my LMP. So when I give my LMP I just add  6 days to it. What a blessing to know this information! A week makes a huge difference, especially when you are at the end of your pregnancy. When I went in to my midwives office at 8 weeks 2 days (according to charting) I had an ultrasound which put baby at exactly 8 weeks 2 days. So if all else fails, thank goodness for early first trimester ultrasounds for more accurate due dates:)

Mental Health:

I had some major anxiety issues when I was 4-5 weeks along. Heart pounding, feeling like something horrible was going to happen at any second anxiety. I couldn't sleep well, and I ended up having a nervous break down of sorts 4 days in. I think I had a lot of unresolved issues and concerns with this pregnancy and birth that I didn't realize, and that combined with early pregnancy hormones can be scary! I ended up going in to see my midwives and felt a lot of relief after speaking with them and my husband. I was really worried that I was going to have severe anxiety my whole pregnancy (due to a blog story I read) and it was such a blessing when it went away. I wanted to share because maybe one day a friend or family member will experience something similiar, and it would be good to know that not everyone suffers through it the whole 9 months!

Physical Health:

I was eating the healthiest I had ever eaten, the months leading up to my pregnancy. Lots of whole foods, and very little processed stuff. I read the book "In Defense of Food," and tried to follow the advice as realistically as possible. I was working out at the gym a few times a week, and I felt pretty healthy. Unfortunately, once I hit 6 weeks my senses went crazy and I could no longer palate the meals that I had loved months before. All day morning sickness/nausea kicked in, and I had to start eating every 2 hours to keep it at bay, which took time to get use to.  Weeks 6-8 were the worst of the first trimester. Nothing sounded good, and yet I HAD to eat every 2 hours if I wanted to feel anything close to "good." I found out by accident that my prenatals and supplements were making me really sick, and immediately stopped taking them. I tried a whole food based prenatal instead, but it made me dry heave for 2 hours. I tried chewable childrens vitamins, but they gave me a stomach ache too. My body wanted nothing to do with vitamins of any sort, and so I listened to it. I had lost 4 pounds within a 2 week span due to not being able to eat enough food and feeling awful, and taking prenatals was not worth that in my opinion. My midwife said I could take a short break from prenatals, and that it was more important for me to be able to eat enough food. In the last week the nausea has subsided, and now I just get stomach aches a couple times a day. I feel SO much better, and I am so grateful! I haven't been able to work out very much, but I plan to start again now that I am feeling well. I still can't fathom eating a green vegetable (other then lettuce), but I hope that will go away soon too. I haven't gained any weight, but I think part of it is because I lost some weight earlier, and lost some muscle from not being able to work out. I look very pregnant already, and I'm sure the scale will reflect that soon.

Birth Plans/Thoughts:

Oh mercy. I set myself up for failure early in this pregnancy. By that I mean that once I found out I was pregnant, I just assumed that I would feel awesome about having a homebirth. It's been a dream of mine to have a homebirth, and well I just wanted it to be an automatic this time. So I waited for that warm, fuzzy feeling, you get when something is so right, and I did so without any preparation or real searching or studying. I had not interviewed a homebirth provider or anything, I just wanted Heavenly Father to just "give me" this one. Ha! Just "lay it on me," and skip all that busy work. Right? Well I waited for that warm feeling.....and lo and behold, it never came. I felt so confused and sad, lost you could say. Yet, I can look back and say "you silly girl! what were you thinking?" Eventually my brain began to work again, and I stopped obsessing with needing to know RIGHT NOW whether a homebirth was right or not. It was still on my mind, but I had to stop freaking out that I didn't know whether it was right or not. I have my part to fulfill when it comes to searching, pondering and praying, and Heavenly Father always upholds His part. I also realize that I need to humble myself, and be ok with going to the hospital, if that is what feels right. Dallin's birth helped me get over my fear of being in a hospital, and while I would prefer to be home, I know I could do it in a hospital again if necessary. I am not anti-hospital at all, I just think how nice would it be to have this baby in our home, in the sacred space that feels so safe and peaceful.  How nice to not be removed abruptly during intense labor, fly in a car half way across town, give everyone in the hospital a show, and worry about the possibility of a baby being born in the car, or on the way to the delivery room, or at home without a medical provider present?  I came across homebirth kits online, when checking out some homebirth providers, and I swooned. I loved how simple they were and how little is needed for birth in most cases. The simplicity of it all attracts me. If I can find a competent provider that will assist me in a homebirth, and Heavenly Father confirms to me that it is right, I will do it. If I cannot, I will stay with the Bethany Midwives, as I feel a genuine support from them, am confident in their abilities and love the ones I've gotten to know so far. Right now I have two midwives to interview. They are pretty much my only options at this point when it comes to a homebirth (because of AZ laws) and so I have some homework to do:)

And there you have it, 12 weeks in a nutshell!