38 Weeks And Counting

Tomorrow is Christmas, and I will be 38 weeks on the dot!

 I have been meaning to post on here for months, but it just never happened.

Here I be at 37 weeks! 

And here's a quick catch up from the last time I posted.

A week or so after I last posted, Kevin and I decided we were all in for a home birth, whether my insurance was or not. I think he saw the emotional toll it was taking on me, phone call after phone call with the insurance, and he didn't think it was worth it. It was a struggle for me, being ok with the  the financial part of it, but there is still a good chance that they will pay for part of the birth (after I go through the appeal process). All in all it's money, and it's not going to break us. If my insurance does smart up and pay for their portion, it may actually be the same cost as it was for Dallin. Either way, we will be ok, and thank goodness for tax returns!

In November, I hired Kimberly Flake again to be our doula. I'm excited for her and her birth pool to be at our house come labor day:) She came over and gave me a prenatal massage which was wonderful. We went over my birth plan (one I used for Dallin) in case of a transfer, just so we could get that over with and set out minds on the fact that I'm having this baby at home:) We talked about where to put the birth pool and a few other things. She offered to take pictures using our camera, and will also encapsulate my placenta like last time.

At 32 weeks I started my hypnobabies home study course. This is the same childbirth prep I used with Dallin's birth, and I'm hoping to get the same results. It's been difficult finding time to listen to the scripts every day, but I do them pretty much every night as I'm going to bed. I fall asleep a few minutes in, but they say that even if you are asleep that they will still benefit you. We shall see:)

Two weeks ago, I had my 36 week in home appointment with my midwife Anne Marie and student midwife Nikki. We had a nice visit, and I was glad that Kevin was able to be there. It was the first midwife appointment he has been to this pregnancy, other then the ultrasound at 20 weeks. For about a month prior, I had slowly started gathering all the home birth supplies on the list she gave me. At this appointment I had them all ready in Josie's co-sleeper. Looks like a mess kind of, but it is actually quite organized...atleast for me:)

 

 We gave them a quick tour of our house, and talked about the set up that we will have in our bedroom for the birth. Anne Marie asked Kevin if he wanted to catch this time, and we decided that either him or I would catch, assuming that we are in a good position to do so. I'm excited!

For those who are curious, here's part of the homebirth supply list. The only things we needed to buy were the birth kit, coconut water (for hydration), some drop cloths, and an aquarium net. The rest of the stuff was already in our house, and just needed to be collected. This of course, doesn't include all the supplies that my midwife will be bringing to the birth.

 

At my last appointment I got some red raspberry leaf tea (Mormon-friendly peeps), and have been drinking one cup every day. The herbs are suppose to help tone your uterus so that contractions will be more effective. It does not induce labor, but strengthens the uterus, and so I decided to give it a try. I've also been making sure to continue all my supplements. I'm not a big fan of taking any sort of pill, but since I know the good they are doing it makes it easy.

Every night before bed I take a prenatal (rainbow lite one a day), two calcium magnesium (generic,saves me from charlie horses in the middle of the night!), and two flax oil (barleans-great source of omega fatty acids). Overall I have felt really good this pregnancy. Healthy, although I do have the usual pregnancy discomforts, but there isn't a supplement for that:) I believe the supplements are helping a lot.

It's kind of crazy thinking that I am actually going to have a home birth, and in about 2 weeks! It's been a dream of mine ever since I started researching birth options after I had the twins. I thought that once I had the OK to have a home birth that I would be so ecstatic and bouncing off the walls wanting to tell everyone. That hasn't been the case. I feel good about our decision, but it's more of a good normal peaceful feeling. It reminds me of when I gave birth to Dallin, and how I wondered if I would cry or yell something in excitement like many VBAC moms do, but instead I just felt like that same peaceful good feeling. Like it was the way things should be. Kind of the same thing I think.

Now I just wonder when she is going to come, and how her birth will be. I envision labor starting in the morning or afternoon, and then giving birth in the evening or early morning. I can see it happening within a 24 hour period, and I can see it being quicker then last time. I can see myself laboring in the pool again, and giving birth there, although I will go wherever I feel like at the moment. Our bed and a birth stool will also be options. Her due date is January 8th. My guess is the 5th or the 12th because everyone in our family but me is born on the 5th or the 12th. Then again, maybe she'll join me on the 16th:) I'm horrible at guessing though, but I'm glad she will come when she is good and ready. That is what is most important!

I made it to a temple session this last week, and I was so glad I did. I really wanted to go before I had her, because I knew things would only get busier. Being in the temple gave me such a peaceful and comforting feeling, and it's exactly what I need going into this birth. I prayed and meditated about her birth, and asked for angels to be here in our home as she is ushered into this world. I know they will be there for me and for Josie, and I feel blessed for yet another opportunity to bring a child into our family.

Wish us luck:)

Interviews, Insight And Inspiration

The first week of July, and at 13 weeks along, I interviewed two midwives that can legally do HBACs (home birth after cesarean) in Arizona. They are my only legal options at the moment. It was wonderful being able to sit down with them and talk about birth and their experience, etc. It was also great to know that they would take me as a client. Days before, I made a long list of questions to ask them, and tried to be as thorough as possible. Each consultation ended up taking about an hour, and gave me a good idea as to their personality, practices,education, knowledge and hands on experience. They were both wonderful women, and I was grateful for their willingness to sit down with me and give of their time.

Something that I really appreciated from these interviews was the insight that each midwife offered when it came to choosing where to give birth. Neither of them tried to convince me that home birth was the right thing to do. They had both given birth in a hospital setting as well as in their own homes. They both knew and understood what a big decision and commitment it was either way. Both midwives encouraged me in my searching and pondering to really follow my intuition and go with my "gut," when deciding what was best for me and my baby. I of course translated that into listening to The Spirit, and that is what I was hoping to do.

After the first interview, I left feeling that a home birth would be safe for me and my body. At that point, my mind and prayers were focused solely on the baby I am carrying, and what is right for him or her. The second interview came, and at the end I mentioned my concern of giving birth to a baby with special needs at home. When Kevin and I were first married, I read an article in the Ensign and had a feeling that there was a possibility of having a special needs child in our family. So far our three children have been born healthy and have developed normally, so there's always that thought in the back of my mind, that maybe this time will be different. There is such a wide variety of special needs out there, and some are seen at birth, while others don't manifest themselves until later in life. I think I was curious how this could effect the baby's health if they were not born in the hospital. The midwife told me about some special needs babies (down syndrome) that had been born at home with her and the midwife she apprenticed with. They were both fine, and nothing negative came of them being born at home. She remarked that this isn't always the case, and that it depends on the severity of the "special needs" per se. I was grateful for her insight and honesty in her experiences.

As my kids and I left her office and began loading up in the car, The Spirit hit me.  I felt that a home birth and a hospital birth were both safe, and good options for this baby. The concern and worry about the health my baby was met with a comforting feeling, and I felt that my Heavenly Father was pleased with me and my desire to find and do the right thing. A few more thoughts came to my mind that I will keep private, but ultimately I knew that the choice of birth place was up to me, and I was not expecting that.

After reviewing the information I gathered at the interviews, I found that I felt good about the second midwife, and had confidence that she could provide a safe environment to birth in at home. The first midwife was great, but lacked in experience which is a necessity for me to feel comfortable. My husband and I agreed that it would be best to transfer to the 2nd midwives care, and continue with plans for a home birth. Before I called her to share the news, I wanted to double check with my insurance. I figured she would be covered as out of network, but found that they would not cover her at all because she is a naturopathic doctor as well as a midwife. I argued with them two different times on the phone, but there was no working around it. If I use her as my provider, I would have to pay 100% out of pocket and would not have any insurance benefit.

So to break it down Arizona law says I can't use a midwife at home unless she is a CNM or a Naturopathic Doctor, yet my insurance says I don't have any coverage for a midwife if she IS a Naturopathic Doctor. Kind of ironic, isn't it?! They almost completely cancel each other out, other then the CNM option. Dallin's birth with a midwife in the hospital cost us between $600-$700 for everything (including prenatal care). I understoood that doing a home birth, and using an out-of-network provider would cost us more, but wa not planning on having to pay for everything on our own.  If I were to use the midwife I felt good about, it would cost us around $2900. As of now it's too much of a financial burden, and I am searching frantically trying to find another legal option that will have some insurance coverage. This is where I am at the moment.

I could just stick with the Bethany midwives and have a hospital "drive through delivery," like I did with Dallin, but I still have the desire to be at home. I have a hard time visualizing myself at the hospital giving birth, but if I have to do it I will. I just keep hoping and praying that another option will open up to me. I've sent out emails, called birth centers, and searched out other midwives that may be able to take me, but so far I've had no luck.  It's annoying, because I consider myself low risk and pretty similar to all the other moms out here in AZ who have their pick of any midwife in the valley. Even so, my previous c/s almost 5 years ago, prevents me from having real options when it comes to birthing at home. It doesn't seem fair, but I know respecting the laws even when I don't agree with them is the right thing to do. I have faith that Heavenly Father is aware of my situation, and that he will bless me with whatever He sees fit, and as my husband keeps assuring me "the right thing will happen":)

Wait For It

I've noticed that every time I want to post something on here, it usually has to do with something spiritual. Pregnancy and birth can be such a spiritual journey, and so I'll continue to share that part of my experiences as well. As you can tell from my last post, patience has been hard to come by lately. I opened up the Ensign the other day, which is our church magazine that comes once a month, and as usual there was a message waiting for me.  The article was titled "Waiting on the Lord, Renewing Our Strength."

In regards to pregnancy and birth there are definitely times of waiting.  Waiting to become pregnant, waiting to figure things out, or find answers regarding the pregnancy and birth, and ultimately waiting for the baby to make their debut. We are waiting for things to happen at different times throughout life, whether they are birth related or not.  It's a short article, and a good one, so I figured I'd just share the whole thing. I underlined some parts that were particularly helpful in my situation:)

"Most everyone has experienced anxiety or anticipation while waiting for something. As a single adult, I certainly have learned what it means to wait. For this reason Isaiah 40:31 has come to have special meaning for me: “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint” (emphasis added). Many of us dread waiting, but through the prophet Isaiah, the Lord tells us that waiting can actually be a good thing.

In the past I’ve thought of waiting as wasted time, such as when I wait for a plane to take off or wait in line at the grocery store. This kind of waiting requires little action on our part; it’s mostly a matter of biding our time. This type of waiting is also usually paired with frustration and impatience. Consider how you feel when someone you are waiting for is late. By the time the person arrives, you may be so upset that you had to wait that you don’t appreciate the fulfillment of your anticipation.

Of course, this is not the kind of waiting that Isaiah said could “renew [our] strength.” On the contrary, impatient waiting tends to leave us physically and emotionally exhausted. I have been guilty of this kind of waiting too often.

So what kind of waiting was Isaiah describing? The Hebrew word translated as wait also means “hope for” and “anticipate” (Isaiah 40:31, footnote a). To add my own interpretation, I like to think of waiting in terms of a waiter at a restaurant. In this sense, to wait on someone is to serve that person. A good waiter—or server—gives his or her customers excellent care and attention by checking in often, learning their desires, and attending to them. When I adopt this attitude toward the Lord, it adds purpose to the time I spend awaiting a particular blessing. In fact, time seems to pass more quickly when I am diligently working to serve God. Ironically enough, it’s through this work that I “renew [my] strength.”

The same amount of time will pass whether I am squandering it in anger and impatience or using it to serve the Lord and His children. Choosing to “wait upon the Lord”—or viewed another way, to serve Him—yields far more satisfying results. This choice also helps me remember that because Heavenly Father’s greatest desire is to bless His children with what will ultimately help us be happy, He will not only give me what I need, He’ll also give it at the time that is best for me.

Shifting my attitude from one of “just waiting” to “waiting upon the Lord” has shown me that waiting can be a good thing after all. This perspective has opened my eyes to the many gifts Heavenly Father has given me. Most of all, it has given my life renewed strength, purpose, and meaning."

   Looking back at my last pregnancy, I realize that there was a good amount of waiting before I came to my ultimate decision on a provider and birth place. I started off with a DO at 9 weeks, changed to a midwife group at 27 weeks, interviewed a homebirth midwife shortly after, and then finally felt like I had a sure answer on what was best for that birth. Things would have turned out so differently if I would have given up on interviewing and searching past 9 weeks. What a blessing it was to have all that time to really ponder and know what was best. 

First Trimester Round Up

For anyone who may be following this blog and not my family blog, SURPRISE! Baby #4 is on their way and expected in early/mid January:)

(baby bump at 9 weeks)

Yesterday I hit the 12 week mark, and boy I am glad to be done with the first trimester! I keep starting blog posts and then not completing them, or not being happy with the way they turn out. My thoughts and experiences are kind of all over the place, and I usually prefer things to be a little more organized when I share. I do want to blog about my experiences and feelings, even if they aren't entertaining for everyone to read and I figure I must start somewhere!  Here is a round up of sorts from my first trimester for those who are interested, and for myself obviously:)

Charting:

I found out super early again that I was pregnant thanks to charting. I think I was like 3.5 weeks! Usually you can't get a positive at that point, but the pale line was there. We got pregnant the first time I ovulated after Dallin weaned, which was quite a surprise. I don't get a period when I'm nursing. I had one period a few months after he stopped breastfeeding, and here we are again. I'm not complaining though! Just shocked is all. This baby was meant to come sooner then we had expected for whatever reason:) Another blessing of charting was having a better "guess" date for when this baby would arrive. I'm not a 14 day ovulater, like they assume all women are. I ovulate on day 20 regularly, and so my due date is 6 days later then if I just went off of my LMP. So when I give my LMP I just add  6 days to it. What a blessing to know this information! A week makes a huge difference, especially when you are at the end of your pregnancy. When I went in to my midwives office at 8 weeks 2 days (according to charting) I had an ultrasound which put baby at exactly 8 weeks 2 days. So if all else fails, thank goodness for early first trimester ultrasounds for more accurate due dates:)

Mental Health:

I had some major anxiety issues when I was 4-5 weeks along. Heart pounding, feeling like something horrible was going to happen at any second anxiety. I couldn't sleep well, and I ended up having a nervous break down of sorts 4 days in. I think I had a lot of unresolved issues and concerns with this pregnancy and birth that I didn't realize, and that combined with early pregnancy hormones can be scary! I ended up going in to see my midwives and felt a lot of relief after speaking with them and my husband. I was really worried that I was going to have severe anxiety my whole pregnancy (due to a blog story I read) and it was such a blessing when it went away. I wanted to share because maybe one day a friend or family member will experience something similiar, and it would be good to know that not everyone suffers through it the whole 9 months!

Physical Health:

I was eating the healthiest I had ever eaten, the months leading up to my pregnancy. Lots of whole foods, and very little processed stuff. I read the book "In Defense of Food," and tried to follow the advice as realistically as possible. I was working out at the gym a few times a week, and I felt pretty healthy. Unfortunately, once I hit 6 weeks my senses went crazy and I could no longer palate the meals that I had loved months before. All day morning sickness/nausea kicked in, and I had to start eating every 2 hours to keep it at bay, which took time to get use to.  Weeks 6-8 were the worst of the first trimester. Nothing sounded good, and yet I HAD to eat every 2 hours if I wanted to feel anything close to "good." I found out by accident that my prenatals and supplements were making me really sick, and immediately stopped taking them. I tried a whole food based prenatal instead, but it made me dry heave for 2 hours. I tried chewable childrens vitamins, but they gave me a stomach ache too. My body wanted nothing to do with vitamins of any sort, and so I listened to it. I had lost 4 pounds within a 2 week span due to not being able to eat enough food and feeling awful, and taking prenatals was not worth that in my opinion. My midwife said I could take a short break from prenatals, and that it was more important for me to be able to eat enough food. In the last week the nausea has subsided, and now I just get stomach aches a couple times a day. I feel SO much better, and I am so grateful! I haven't been able to work out very much, but I plan to start again now that I am feeling well. I still can't fathom eating a green vegetable (other then lettuce), but I hope that will go away soon too. I haven't gained any weight, but I think part of it is because I lost some weight earlier, and lost some muscle from not being able to work out. I look very pregnant already, and I'm sure the scale will reflect that soon.

Birth Plans/Thoughts:

Oh mercy. I set myself up for failure early in this pregnancy. By that I mean that once I found out I was pregnant, I just assumed that I would feel awesome about having a homebirth. It's been a dream of mine to have a homebirth, and well I just wanted it to be an automatic this time. So I waited for that warm, fuzzy feeling, you get when something is so right, and I did so without any preparation or real searching or studying. I had not interviewed a homebirth provider or anything, I just wanted Heavenly Father to just "give me" this one. Ha! Just "lay it on me," and skip all that busy work. Right? Well I waited for that warm feeling.....and lo and behold, it never came. I felt so confused and sad, lost you could say. Yet, I can look back and say "you silly girl! what were you thinking?" Eventually my brain began to work again, and I stopped obsessing with needing to know RIGHT NOW whether a homebirth was right or not. It was still on my mind, but I had to stop freaking out that I didn't know whether it was right or not. I have my part to fulfill when it comes to searching, pondering and praying, and Heavenly Father always upholds His part. I also realize that I need to humble myself, and be ok with going to the hospital, if that is what feels right. Dallin's birth helped me get over my fear of being in a hospital, and while I would prefer to be home, I know I could do it in a hospital again if necessary. I am not anti-hospital at all, I just think how nice would it be to have this baby in our home, in the sacred space that feels so safe and peaceful.  How nice to not be removed abruptly during intense labor, fly in a car half way across town, give everyone in the hospital a show, and worry about the possibility of a baby being born in the car, or on the way to the delivery room, or at home without a medical provider present?  I came across homebirth kits online, when checking out some homebirth providers, and I swooned. I loved how simple they were and how little is needed for birth in most cases. The simplicity of it all attracts me. If I can find a competent provider that will assist me in a homebirth, and Heavenly Father confirms to me that it is right, I will do it. If I cannot, I will stay with the Bethany Midwives, as I feel a genuine support from them, am confident in their abilities and love the ones I've gotten to know so far. Right now I have two midwives to interview. They are pretty much my only options at this point when it comes to a homebirth (because of AZ laws) and so I have some homework to do:)

And there you have it, 12 weeks in a nutshell!

Please Help!

There is a movement going on here in Arizona, and they are attempting to get the AZ Health Department to change the laws regarding licensed midwives and moms who have had a previous cesarean birth. Currently VBAC moms, such as myself, do not have the option of using a LM (licensed midwife). This is because they have made it illegal for a LM  to attend a mom in a home birth, if she has had a previous cesarean birth. The only way for someone like me to have the option of having a home birth is to:

A) Hire a ND (Naturopathic Doctor) which there are only 2 that I know of that will do HBACs. Neither are in my neck of the woods, and what happens if I don't feel like either are the right provider for me? Is 2 options enough for anyone?

B) Travel out of the state to give birth in Utah, Nevada, California, New Mexico, or one of the many other states that do allow LMs to assist a mom in a HBAC (home birth after cesarean). But who wants to travel out of state to give birth?

C) Try to find a local midwife who is willing to put her license on the line to assist me, and go "under the radar." I know moms who have done this, and I think it's fine for them, but I don't feel comfortable with the legalities of it. I don't want to do anything illegal, and I don't want to have to hide my birth plans in fear of something bad happening to me or my provider.

D) Have an unassisted home birth.... and that's not gonna happen for me.

I'm NOT pregnant, but these would be my options if I was and I wanted a home birth. Pretty sad if you think about it. Even though I've already had a VBAC, the law is the same, and it makes no difference. With 1 in every 3 moms having a cesarean birth, this effects a whole lot of people, not just me.

The point is that ALL moms should be able to choose the provider they feel is best suited for them, whether it's an OB, ND,DO, CNM, LM, NOT the state. ALL moms should be able to decide the location they feel is right for them, whether it be in a hospital, birth center, at home etc. NOT the state.

They are trying to gather at least 3000 signatures, and there is a petition online at change.org that ANYONE over the age of 18 can sign if they would like to support the cause. You don't have to be an Arizona resident, you don't even have to live in the United States to sign. You don't have to be a woman, or have had a cesarean. ANYONE, male or female over the age of 18 can sign and support this petition. PLEASE consider signing it if you haven't already. You don't have to be a fan of home births, or VBACs, or midwives, you just have to be a fan of giving moms choices when it comes to their birth.

Below is a copy of the petition letter, which can also be viewed at change.org

PETITION LETTER

Contact AZ Dept of Health to allow licensed midwives to attend home VBAC

Greetings,

In order to protect all women choosing to birth at home with licensed midwives, we the undersigned call on the Arizona Department of Health to open the rules and regulations governing licensed midwives. The rules and regulations currently governing licensed midwives in the state of Arizona are severely out of compliance with the current standard of care in regards to pregnancy, labor, birth and postpartum care. We are demanding that the licensed midwives of this state be allowed to provide adequate, complete and safe care to all women choosing to birth at home. In addition we the undersigned, respectfully request that R-9-16-108 (A) (1) be removed allowing, with informed consent, women to birth at home after a cesarean section.

Please go here to sign the petition!

Thanks for your help!

Why I'm Glad I Hired A Doula

When I first heard the word "doula," I had no idea what it meant. It wasn't until I had joined the local birthing community that I learned what a doula was.

The following italicized information comes directly from the DONA website:

The word "doula" comes from the ancient Greek meaning "a woman who serves" and is now used to refer to a trained and experienced professional who provides continuous physical, emotional and informational support to the mother before, during and just after birth; or who provides emotional and practical support during the postpartum period.

Some of the benefits of having a doula for your birth:

Numerous clinical studies have found that a doula's presence at birth

tends to result in shorter labors with fewer complications
reduces negative feelings about one’s childbirth experience
reduces the need for pitocin (a labor-inducing drug), forceps or vacuum extraction and cesareans
reduces the mother’s request for pain medication and/or epidurals

Once I learned about what doulas were, and heard birth stories involving them, I knew that I wanted one for Dallin's birth. Fortunately, there are TONS of wonderful doulas in the valley to choose from. I interviewed three, and then chose the one I felt was the best fit for me.

Here are some of the benefits I had because I had a doula (Kimberly).

(Kimberly doing counter pressure during a contraction)

Support From Someone With Experience

Kimberly had attended over 200 births in the valley when I interviewed her. Most of these births were unmedicated, but she had the ability to support whatever kind of birth we wanted. She had supported moms through C-sections, VBACs, hospital and home births. With being a RN and attending so many births, she knew a LOT about what to expect with birth. I felt confident that she knew what was normal, and what wasn't. So while I made sure to educate myself in childbirth, it was nice to have another educated person on our team. Kimberly also knew different ways to support moms through their labor. She was familiar with all the tools available to use during birth. Kimberly had lots of experience using birth balls, heat packs, counter pressure, birth pools, massage, and changing positions. Knowing that I would have someone so experienced on my birth team gave me confidence that I would be successful.

Help with my birth plan

Our doula was a RN/ Labor & Delivery nurse so she was very knowledgeable when it came to hospital procedures. She had clients who used different hospitals in the valley, so she was familiar with the different doctors and midwives as well as the hospital staff. Kimberly could predict what could be potential roadblocks to my plan because she was familiar with the environment that I would give birth in. At my request, she sent me several birth plans from previous clients, to help me form my own birth plan. She answered any questions via phone, email, and during in home visits. Once I had a rough draft of my birth plan she went over it with me in our home and helped to solidify it. Kimberly kept a copy so that she could bring one to the hospital just in case we forgot to bring ours.

Prenatal Massage

Kimberly is also a licensed massage therapist, which I thought was a major perk:) She included a one hour prenatal massage with her doula package and it could be given whenever it was wanted. She told me that giving her clients a massage gave them the opportunity to become more comfortable with her before the birth. Once I felt in need of a good massage (towards the end of my pregnancy) I set up an appointment. She came to my house with a massage table that had a drop out specifically for the belly. The massage was wonderful and relaxing. It was also nice to know that she would be there to massage my back or feet etc. when I was in labor, if needed.

Birth Resources

Doulas usually have their own library stocked with birth resources. At our first visit, Kimberly offered several birth books and DVDs for me to borrow and I took advantage of it. She also had a birth ball and a birth pool that I could use. Going out and buying these items would have cost me a LOT, so being able to borrow them was a blessing.

Hypnobirthing/Hypnobabies Knowledge

One of the reasons I hired Kimberly, is because she had a knowledge of Hypnobirthing, which is similar to the Hypnobabies class I was taking. It was so helpful to have someone who had already used hypnosis techniques with her clients, and had done so with success. She would follow up with me, and ask me about the different classes I was taking. Kimberly offered to do the scripts with me if I wanted, and gave suggestions when I was having issues in certain areas. Towards the end of my pregnancy, I hit a rough spot and began to let the fears of my last birth effect me. Kimberly came to my house (per my request) and took me through a hypnobirthing fear release that helped me immensely.

Mental, Physical and Emotional Support

When Kevin and I had our first meeting with Kimberly, we talked about our last birth, our fears, hopes, and what we were planning for this birth. She asked us lots of questions about what we wanted and why, so that she could know how to best support us throughout the process. Another reason why I hired Kimberly is because she was a VBAC mom herself. She had experienced a C-Section, a medicated VBAC, and two unmedicated VBACs. I felt it was beneficial to have someone who had been there done that, and could understand where I was coming from. She continuously gave us support and encouraged us. She was available by phone or email to answer any questions, and would check up on me ever so often to see how I was doing. When it came to the actual birthing time, Kimberly was there to offer any support that I wanted/needed. She was my saving grace as I had back labor the ENTIRE 40 hours I was in labor and kept me comfortable by applying counter pressure on my lower back. While Kevin did this as well, it was nice to have someone to take turns with, because doing counter pressure that often can get tiring. Our doula also did a great job of keeping me focused when my contractions were very intense. When she noticed that I was tensing up, she would talk to me with a calming voice, and remind me to relax which helped so much. In the raw footage of my birth video I saw first hand how she was able to get me from being tense to relaxed, just by using her voice. It was neat to go back and see that. When I was going through transition (which I didn't realize at the time) and I was getting tired and discouraged, she was there to tell me to keep going. She was there every step of the way offering the support that I needed. (I should add that Kevin was too, but since this is about my doula I'll keep it about my doula)

Monitrice Services

Doulas don't do medical procedures, but monitrices can offer to monitor the baby's heart rate and do cervical checks as wanted. This was really important to me as I wanted to be able to stay at home for as long as possible when I was in labor. It was reassuring for me to have someone there to make sure Dallin was doing well, and to tell me how far I was dilated if I wanted (although that never ended up happening).

An Extra Pair of Hands

Whether it was helping fill up the birth pool, applying counter pressure on my back, keeping me hydrated with sips of water, walking me through the front of the hospital, or taking photos/video of the birth, Kimberly was always busy doing something for us. This allowed Kevin to not be as stressed about doing EVERYTHING the entire time, and it made it possible for him to focus on me and not taking pictures when Dallin was being born.

Extra Perks

Kimberly offered to help with breastfeeding when Dallin was born which I appreciated. Even though I had nursed twins, it was like I was a new mom all over again, and each baby is different. She also offered to encapsulate my placenta for me which was something I wanted, and was grateful for. On our final visit (postpartum) she came to our home and gave us a copy of Dallin's birth story (written from her perspective). We discussed the birth, and how Dallin was doing.

Having a doula for Dallin's birth was such a blessing. She invested so much time and energy into our birth, and gave us non-stop support throughout the whole process. I know that things wouldn't have been the same without her.

A Dad's Perspective {Dallin's Birth Story}

The Birth of Dallin Lawrence
By: Kevin (Dad)

The months and weeks leading up to Dallin’s birth were met with a lot of uncertainties for me. I was not sure how the whole going into labor thing would actually play out in real life. I had to try and remove all the pre conceived notions I had of the frantic rush to the hospital, busting through the hospital doors with my wife in a wheelchair, me screaming “We’re having a baby”, and my wife holding her stomach panting in a cold sweat. Missy had prepared for this event for the past year or more, so deep down I knew it would be nothing like it is on TV or in movies. I knew it would be much more controlled, relaxed, and pleasant then that.

Friday morning after I got ready for work Missy told me that she was having cramps. By the tone of her voice and her facial expressions, I read this to be the beginning of the birthing stages. I knew that that day of work would be my last for a while, so that did take some stress off the job, knowing some of my more difficult projects would have to be handed off to someone else while I was on leave. I waited all day for the text “The chicken has flown the coop”, but it never came. So at the end of the day, I was not as confident that the baby would arrive that weekend, and there was a slight chance I would be back at work on Monday.

So I came home, and for the first time noticed that Missy was really feeling the contractions for the first time, in that when she had them, she had to stop what she was doing and work her way through them. I found it odd that she decided to go to bed at 9:30, since she usually stays up later with me. Despite all these happenings, I figured Missy would just sleep through the night, and we would just pick up in the morning and see where we were at. I was up watching TV at around 11:00pm, and out came Missy, saying that she was woken up by a contraction. I thought that she would probably just come watch TV with me for a while, and then we would both go to bed after the contractions calmed down. Instead, they just kept coming, and coming, and were slowly but surely escalating hour by hour. By around 12:30 or so, it became clear that sleep was not going to happen for either of us.

By 3:00 am, the contractions were getting more intense, but Missy could still just work though them without much noticeable discomfort. We decided it best to text Kimberly, and just get an idea of what we should be doing, and what we should expect. She didn’t sound alarmed about the frequency of the contractions, but still volunteered to come over. Neither Missy nor I felt it was necessary to come in the middle of the night, but I thought it best that she come sometime during the morning. So I stayed up with Missy most of the night, making sure nothing happened beyond what we perceived to be normal. At 5am-8am I was kind of on and off, dozing off on the couch in a light sleep and then waking up. Around 8:00 a.m. my mom came and picked up Brenna and Brooke, which definitely took a load off of us, and allowed us to focus all of our energy on the task at hand.

Kimberly came over at around 9:30 a.m. She brought her suitcase full of doula things, and I thought that she was going to spend the whole day with us. After observing Missy’s contractions, she demonstrated putting counter pressure on her back while she was working through the contractions. You could see in Missy’s face the joy of feeling relief while Kimberly pressed with her fists on her lower back. I think it gave her a lot more confidence, and also gave Kimberly some instant credibility, and was a sure reminder of why were hired her. You could tell that Kimberly knew that the birth was not in the immediate future. She hung out while we played a hypnobabies script on the computer for about 45 minutes. I tried to sleep during that time, but never really could fall into a deep sleep. I was in a state where I wanted to sleep, but even the slightest stimulus would have brought to my feet, at full attention.

We conceded that Kimberly didn’t need to hang with us all day; we figured she had better things to do, so we told her it was ok if she left. We understood that when the contractions got closer together, and were more intense, we should fill up the pool and have her come back. So the day went on with me and Missy hanging out, watching TV, and putting pressure on her back during contractions. She would mainly stand, and lean with her hands again the wall, arms fully extended, swaying back and forth with a nice rhythm, saying “peace” and “open” quietly to herself. I stood behind her, with my balled up fists pressing against her back. We did that on and off for a few hours and also tried to rest when possible. I know I was able to rest a whole lot more than she did.

We had been in the house all day, and Missy wanted to go on a walk. It was like 110 degrees outside, and I had no desire to go, but we went anyways, and other then pointing out that it was hot, I didn’t give her any resistance or attitude about going, and did my best to be supportive. We did a lap around our neighborhood, and had to stop every 2 or 3 minutes so Missy could work with the contraction, while I put counter pressure on her back. It was so hot, especially while we stopped. Just sitting there baking. I thought that she had to be so uncomfortable, because if I was this miserable outside, imagine what she was going through. We finally made it back to the house.

Gradually, hour by hour, the contractions were coming more and more frequently, lasting longer, and getting more intense. We went over to my Mom’s house that night around 7 pm. Mainly so we could get out of the house, and to eat free food, and of course to see Brenna and Brooke. When we walked through the door and into the kitchen, we turned and saw the girls sitting on the floor coloring, or playing with toys. I just remember despite our enthusiastic greeting towards them, their response consisted of glancing up slightly, staring for a brief moment, and then looking back down to what they were doing. They figured we had come to tear them away from Grammy Shirley, and thus they were less than thrilled to see us.
We hung out there for an hour or two, ate some Barros pizza, and then left around 9. Missy’s contractions continued through the visit, getting stronger and stronger each time. We bid Brenna and Brooke farewell, and drove home my Mom’s Tahoe so she could have our van to transport the girls.

Once we got home, for the first time she started vocalizing her way through the pressure waves, letting out a noise that could be described as a low “aaahhhh” sound. That sent a clear signal to me that we had reached a point of no return, that something was happening, and it was happening soon. I would have been perfectly content with calling Kimberly the second we got home, and having her come and run the show. Missy however, was being stubborn, and seemed way too occupied with inconveniencing Kimberly, or that she would come over, see Missy wasn’t progressing, and then leave. This to me was ludicrous, because clearly things were escalating, and there was no way they were going to plateau, or decline. But I was not going to protest much. I asked a couple of times at what point we wanted to call Kim, and how close and how long her contractions needed to be before we called Kimberly. At this time I should have been filling the labor pool, but in retrospect, it never even crossed my mind at the time.

Missy took a shower, and I knew that I needed to start timing these contractions in order to prove the point that they were very close and action need to be taken soon. While in the shower missy would shout “time!” every time a contraction started and “over” when it ended. We did this for quite a while, and a noticeable pattern of shorter and shorter gaps between contractions, and the fact that they were longer in duration put up some major red flags that this was not a drill. So shortly after the shower and after texting Kimberly our stats, we asked her to come over, and she was on her way.

Once Kimberly confirmed that she was on her way, it finally dawned on me that filling the birthing pool needed to get done and fast. So now I had to try and think of the most effective way to fill this large inflatable pool in the middle of our dining room area. I got the hose from outside and started filling it, but came to realize this would produce cold, non soothing water. So I scratched that idea, and decided to start what we had discussed with Kimberly, which was use the hot water heater. I thought it made sense to hook up the tub’s hose directly up to the heater, since it had an end that screwed onto hose spouts, and couldn’t be used on our sink. So I was filling it up for about 10 minutes, and between the outside hose and the inside hose it was filled up about 25% of way.

I started seeing some floating grass and other little pieces of gunk along the surface, and I tried to scoop them out. Then Missy pointed out that there was some sentiment along the bottom, and then I noticed it, and was not pleased. There was enough to make it so sitting in the tub would be like sitting on the beach, so I had to dump it out and start again. Now this thing was super heavy, and I couldn’t lift it high enough to pour it out the backdoor. I had no clue what the “proper” way of draining it was, so I just had to improvise. So I got some pots and started scooping out water and pouring it out in the back yard. Eventually I was able to get enough water out to where I could lift the whole thing up and dump it out.

So now that I no longer trusted the hot water heater, the only thing left was the bathroom sink. Now the sink was a less the ideal choice, because you had to stand there and hold it in order for the water to get into the hose and into the pool. Right around the time I started this method Kimberly showed up. She had to ring the doorbell because nobody could hear her knocking. I answered the door and let her in, and she immediately leaped into action, putting counter pressure on Missy’s back. Feeling much more at ease that Missy was being tended to, I went back to the task at hand of filling the tub. It was painstakingly slow. I had to stand there and hold the nozzle up to the spout for like 20 minutes or so. I grabbed my iPod so I had something to occupy my mind during this time.

After about 10 minutes I came out to find that Missy had already gotten in the pool, despite the fact that there were only a couple inches of water, and Kimberly was sitting next to her doing the counter pressure. I went back in and commenced filling up the tub. I came out every few minutes to monitor the progress. I noticed that Kimberly had started filling up pots in the kitchen sink and dumping them into the pool. Despite all this it was not even half way full. Eventually I noticed the water was no longer hot, and I decided that it was time to just call it good and I could finally go sit by my wife at this important time.

Missy was draped across the side of the labor pool, facing the back door. She was relaxing with her eyes closed, almost like she was asleep. She looked so peaceful, like an angel. This serenity was short lived, however, because she started to tense up, vocalized a low “aaahhh” sound, and then experienced a very intense contraction that lasted about a minute give or take. Then as it subsided she slowly eased back into her comfortable position. This process repeated itself over and over. I sat next to her in a chair, lightly touching her hand with mine. I was kind of torn about what I should be doing at this point.

I got up and turned on a hypnobabies script from the computer. I felt that she invested so much time and energy into learning and practicing hypnobabies, that maybe she wanted to actually use it, since this was the exact moment we had been anticipating for months now. I also decided it was a good time to use the cue that we had been working on every other night, with me putting my hand on her forehead, and then on her shoulder, and saying “release” as she exhaled. So I did this a couple times. I was not sure it this was doing anything for her, because she was very focused, and wasn’t in a position to provide me any feedback as to whether I was doing it right.

After sitting next to her for a few more minutes, I started getting antsy, knowing that this baby could literally come at any time, and I was a tad confused that neither Missy nor Kimberly seemed to being showing any urgency about getting up and going to the hospital. So I had to get up and start doing something. Earlier, I had noticed that Kimberly had heated a pot of water, and it was still sitting on the stove. I thought there was no point in just letting it sit there and cool, so I went to grab it with the intention to pour it into the pool. For some reason I did not see that the little light above the stove was lit, indicating that the burners were set to the on position, and that the pot of water was near boiling hot. So I nonchalantly started dumping the water in, with no effort made to be careful in any way. As I tipped the pot to pour out the water, I felt lots of pain as scolding hot water went all over my hand. I realized at this point what was going on, and set the pot down at the edge of the pool, only to have Kimberly alert me that it would melt the plastic, and to lift it up. So I poured the rest out quickly, trying not to have it directly contact Missy. Then I immediately went to grab an ice pack out the freezer. I was sure that I had badly burned my hand, and that it would blister, and be a hindrance for me the whole night.

At this point I knew it was go time, whether Missy liked it or not. I went in the closet of our room, and spoke to the video camera for about a minute. Then I grabbed the keys, and started to gather everything that was on the kitchen table that Missy had placed there in preparation to depart to the hospital. I scanned the list hanging on our bookshelf to make sure there was nothing I was missing. Then I started grabbing all the pillows, sheets and blankets I could find in order to create a little nest for Missy in the back of the Tahoe. Once I had the car all packed, it was time to load the most important cargo, the pregnant lady.

At this time Missy was still in the tub. During the process of loading I made a comment or two to Kimberly that we should go as soon as possible. So when I approached the tub, I think she knew that I was ready to go. I knew it would so hard for Missy to get out of the tub…but it had to be done. I started to help her up, and she was not happy. I could tell she was taken out of her comfort zone. I knew we probably shouldn’t head for the hospital with her in a wet swimsuit, so I attempted to disrobe her in order to put on her dress and some pants or underwear or something. We had her dress handy, but I didn’t know what else to put on her. I ran into the bedroom, and started rummaging through her drawer like a thief looking for valuables. I was feeling a lot of adrenaline, because I heard something about having to push come out of Missy’s mouth. I found one pair of red bottoms, and figured they would suffice. So I ran back into the living room, and tried to put them around her wet legs. Not a good idea. They told me to scratch that plan, and we would just go commando. In retrospect, I am not sure what I was thinking, because there was a real chance that this baby could start poking out in route to the hospital, so why would she want to be wearing anything under her dress?

So we eventually got into the car. I asked Kimberly to ride with us so she could keep an eye on Missy, and for peace of mind of some kind. On the way there she called the hospital, and made sure the midwife on call would be there. I was not sure how I should drive. The last thing I wanted to happen was to have an accident, or get pulled over, but at the same time, it was about 1:45 am, and nobody was on the road. So as I pulled up to a red light at Rural and the US 60. I came to a complete stop, looked around, and hit the gas to run the light. I had a bit of a lead foot, which caused Missy to most likely flop around the back area, and for her to scream at me. I felt pretty dumb for that, I am not sure why I hit the gas so hard, I guess I figured since I was committing a criminal act I had to do it fast. Again, in retrospect, not sure what I was thinking.

Once we got on the freeway it was a pretty smooth ride. I called my mom to give her the heads up that it was go time, and Kimberly called the hospital so the mid wife on call could meet us there. Missy was surprisingly quiet throughout the ride, which made me worried that she passed out or something. Once we arrived at the hospital, we navigated our way to the emergency room entrance. We unfortunately were not able to go directly into the labor and delivery area because it was after hours. So we pulled up, opened the back doors, and every so gently attempted to get Missy out of back seat. I felt so bad for her, just having to lift herself out the car and then walk through the doors, I did feel rather helpless. Kimberly walked in with her, and I had to go park the car.

Once the car was parked, I tried to gather up all the stuff I we had brought for the hospital. All the bags, the car seat, the camera bag, everything. It was a lot of stuff and it was heavy. I had it all and I ran through the doors. I noticed to my left an area with some people waiting, and then behind the counter, on the other side of the glass was Missy and Kimberly. I could hear Missy’s sweet hum, and I told them I was the dad and needed to get back there. They let me through to the back, and I dropped my stuff on a chair so I could assess the situation. I was pretty torn about how I should be acting. I sensed a strange lack of urgency from the hospital staff. In my mind, I thought that once Missy came in, that the ladies up front would spring to action, prepare a wheelchair, and quickly get Missy to her room and get down to business. In reality, they acted as if she came in with a hangnail or something. They were very ho hum, casually asking Missy stupid questions, and I was not sure what was going on.

I asked them what the deal was, what are we waiting for, what was the next step? I was told a nurse was going to escort us to the labor and delivery part of the building. I was not sure if I should start acting aggravated, and get vocal about how we need some action and we need it now! If I should really come out of my shell and let these ladies know the baby is coming and we don’t have time for this standard procedure nonsense. Clearly Missy was being loud, was in intense labor, and was pushing a baby out for crying out loud! I knew that throwing a fit would only make things worse, and wouldn’t speed things up, so I just kind of jumped back and forth, and waited while they got our insurance stuff, and Missy leaned on a chair in labor.

Finally the lady we were waiting for came, all the insurance garbage was done, and we were off. Missy declined the wheelchair, and elected to walk. I understood why she didn’t want to sit, but at the same time knew that as a result we would have a very long journey to our room. Slowly but steadily we made our way up the elevator, through the doors, and down the halls, with Missy pausing every minute or two to lean against a wall and do her thing. We were being accompanied by another pregnant woman, and at the time I had no clue who she was or why she was walking with us at that hour. I was really nervous during this stretch. To me it seemed that baby could just bungee jump out of her any second and so getting us to a room where she could put all her mental and physical towards laboring was all that I could think about.

After what seemed like a 10 mile trek through the hospital corridors, we finally were led into the triage area. I had visited there a week or earlier with Missy, so I sort of knew the surroundings, but overall I was in the passenger seat of this ride. The midwife that Missy really wanted to attend the birth was Lylaine, and she was waiting for us as we entered. They took her to a small room where she checked to see how dilated Missy was. She said that she was fully dilated, which to me meant that Dallin was a couple big pushes away from coming out. They put her on a gurney and took her into a much larger room, and helped her onto the bed.

At this point, I figured I would get to hold my son within a few minutes. I thought we were so lucky that we had barely made to the hospital room moments before the big moment. I was definitely wrong about that. However, I got to experience at this time something I will never forget. For 90 straight minutes, I witnessed my amazing wife exert every single ounce of energy she could muster, over and over again, pushing , and pushing, and pushing. She was not using any kind of intervention, just the strength that God gave her, trusting in herself and her body to do what it was made to do. I spent a moment at first trying to coordinate the video camera and the regular camera to make sure we didn’t miss out on documenting this time, but eventually I lost myself in an effort to really become one with Missy, to involve myself in her laboring. I grunted, and bore down, tensed up, as she did with each pressure wave. I breathed with her, and cheered her on the whole time. I kept trying to re assure her, help her understand that she was doing great, and that I could not be more proud of her. To this day, and for the rest of my life I will be in awe of how incredibly strong and brave she was, and I love her for it with all my heart.
By now Missy was completely and utterly exhausted, but she still had work to do. Dallin’s head was coming out, but he just needed one final push. She put forth everything she had left into it, and she let out a loud scream, and I looked down, and watched Dallin’s head slide out very quickly, and I grabbed him underneath his armpits, pulled him out, and set him on Missy’s chest. Dallin was born.

It was 4:05 a.m., Sunday, September 12th . It seemed that all the pain and intensity of child birth was instantly forgotten, and now was the reward. He was absolutely perfect. He cried just for a moment, and then just looked up at his mom. He was clean, alert, and healthy. I could not have dreamed of this experience being any better then it was. I felt so grateful, and overjoyed, and full of emotion and love. The hospital staff was great too; they just let Missy hold him for the longest time, and didn’t even weigh him until about 3 hours after he was born. Eventually I got to hold my son for the first time. He was so small and cute. I still was just in awe of how perfect he was. It truly was a special day.