Interviews, Insight And Inspiration

The first week of July, and at 13 weeks along, I interviewed two midwives that can legally do HBACs (home birth after cesarean) in Arizona. They are my only legal options at the moment. It was wonderful being able to sit down with them and talk about birth and their experience, etc. It was also great to know that they would take me as a client. Days before, I made a long list of questions to ask them, and tried to be as thorough as possible. Each consultation ended up taking about an hour, and gave me a good idea as to their personality, practices,education, knowledge and hands on experience. They were both wonderful women, and I was grateful for their willingness to sit down with me and give of their time.

Something that I really appreciated from these interviews was the insight that each midwife offered when it came to choosing where to give birth. Neither of them tried to convince me that home birth was the right thing to do. They had both given birth in a hospital setting as well as in their own homes. They both knew and understood what a big decision and commitment it was either way. Both midwives encouraged me in my searching and pondering to really follow my intuition and go with my "gut," when deciding what was best for me and my baby. I of course translated that into listening to The Spirit, and that is what I was hoping to do.

After the first interview, I left feeling that a home birth would be safe for me and my body. At that point, my mind and prayers were focused solely on the baby I am carrying, and what is right for him or her. The second interview came, and at the end I mentioned my concern of giving birth to a baby with special needs at home. When Kevin and I were first married, I read an article in the Ensign and had a feeling that there was a possibility of having a special needs child in our family. So far our three children have been born healthy and have developed normally, so there's always that thought in the back of my mind, that maybe this time will be different. There is such a wide variety of special needs out there, and some are seen at birth, while others don't manifest themselves until later in life. I think I was curious how this could effect the baby's health if they were not born in the hospital. The midwife told me about some special needs babies (down syndrome) that had been born at home with her and the midwife she apprenticed with. They were both fine, and nothing negative came of them being born at home. She remarked that this isn't always the case, and that it depends on the severity of the "special needs" per se. I was grateful for her insight and honesty in her experiences.

As my kids and I left her office and began loading up in the car, The Spirit hit me.  I felt that a home birth and a hospital birth were both safe, and good options for this baby. The concern and worry about the health my baby was met with a comforting feeling, and I felt that my Heavenly Father was pleased with me and my desire to find and do the right thing. A few more thoughts came to my mind that I will keep private, but ultimately I knew that the choice of birth place was up to me, and I was not expecting that.

After reviewing the information I gathered at the interviews, I found that I felt good about the second midwife, and had confidence that she could provide a safe environment to birth in at home. The first midwife was great, but lacked in experience which is a necessity for me to feel comfortable. My husband and I agreed that it would be best to transfer to the 2nd midwives care, and continue with plans for a home birth. Before I called her to share the news, I wanted to double check with my insurance. I figured she would be covered as out of network, but found that they would not cover her at all because she is a naturopathic doctor as well as a midwife. I argued with them two different times on the phone, but there was no working around it. If I use her as my provider, I would have to pay 100% out of pocket and would not have any insurance benefit.

So to break it down Arizona law says I can't use a midwife at home unless she is a CNM or a Naturopathic Doctor, yet my insurance says I don't have any coverage for a midwife if she IS a Naturopathic Doctor. Kind of ironic, isn't it?! They almost completely cancel each other out, other then the CNM option. Dallin's birth with a midwife in the hospital cost us between $600-$700 for everything (including prenatal care). I understoood that doing a home birth, and using an out-of-network provider would cost us more, but wa not planning on having to pay for everything on our own.  If I were to use the midwife I felt good about, it would cost us around $2900. As of now it's too much of a financial burden, and I am searching frantically trying to find another legal option that will have some insurance coverage. This is where I am at the moment.

I could just stick with the Bethany midwives and have a hospital "drive through delivery," like I did with Dallin, but I still have the desire to be at home. I have a hard time visualizing myself at the hospital giving birth, but if I have to do it I will. I just keep hoping and praying that another option will open up to me. I've sent out emails, called birth centers, and searched out other midwives that may be able to take me, but so far I've had no luck.  It's annoying, because I consider myself low risk and pretty similar to all the other moms out here in AZ who have their pick of any midwife in the valley. Even so, my previous c/s almost 5 years ago, prevents me from having real options when it comes to birthing at home. It doesn't seem fair, but I know respecting the laws even when I don't agree with them is the right thing to do. I have faith that Heavenly Father is aware of my situation, and that he will bless me with whatever He sees fit, and as my husband keeps assuring me "the right thing will happen":)

Wait For It

I've noticed that every time I want to post something on here, it usually has to do with something spiritual. Pregnancy and birth can be such a spiritual journey, and so I'll continue to share that part of my experiences as well. As you can tell from my last post, patience has been hard to come by lately. I opened up the Ensign the other day, which is our church magazine that comes once a month, and as usual there was a message waiting for me.  The article was titled "Waiting on the Lord, Renewing Our Strength."

In regards to pregnancy and birth there are definitely times of waiting.  Waiting to become pregnant, waiting to figure things out, or find answers regarding the pregnancy and birth, and ultimately waiting for the baby to make their debut. We are waiting for things to happen at different times throughout life, whether they are birth related or not.  It's a short article, and a good one, so I figured I'd just share the whole thing. I underlined some parts that were particularly helpful in my situation:)

"Most everyone has experienced anxiety or anticipation while waiting for something. As a single adult, I certainly have learned what it means to wait. For this reason Isaiah 40:31 has come to have special meaning for me: “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint” (emphasis added). Many of us dread waiting, but through the prophet Isaiah, the Lord tells us that waiting can actually be a good thing.

In the past I’ve thought of waiting as wasted time, such as when I wait for a plane to take off or wait in line at the grocery store. This kind of waiting requires little action on our part; it’s mostly a matter of biding our time. This type of waiting is also usually paired with frustration and impatience. Consider how you feel when someone you are waiting for is late. By the time the person arrives, you may be so upset that you had to wait that you don’t appreciate the fulfillment of your anticipation.

Of course, this is not the kind of waiting that Isaiah said could “renew [our] strength.” On the contrary, impatient waiting tends to leave us physically and emotionally exhausted. I have been guilty of this kind of waiting too often.

So what kind of waiting was Isaiah describing? The Hebrew word translated as wait also means “hope for” and “anticipate” (Isaiah 40:31, footnote a). To add my own interpretation, I like to think of waiting in terms of a waiter at a restaurant. In this sense, to wait on someone is to serve that person. A good waiter—or server—gives his or her customers excellent care and attention by checking in often, learning their desires, and attending to them. When I adopt this attitude toward the Lord, it adds purpose to the time I spend awaiting a particular blessing. In fact, time seems to pass more quickly when I am diligently working to serve God. Ironically enough, it’s through this work that I “renew [my] strength.”

The same amount of time will pass whether I am squandering it in anger and impatience or using it to serve the Lord and His children. Choosing to “wait upon the Lord”—or viewed another way, to serve Him—yields far more satisfying results. This choice also helps me remember that because Heavenly Father’s greatest desire is to bless His children with what will ultimately help us be happy, He will not only give me what I need, He’ll also give it at the time that is best for me.

Shifting my attitude from one of “just waiting” to “waiting upon the Lord” has shown me that waiting can be a good thing after all. This perspective has opened my eyes to the many gifts Heavenly Father has given me. Most of all, it has given my life renewed strength, purpose, and meaning."

   Looking back at my last pregnancy, I realize that there was a good amount of waiting before I came to my ultimate decision on a provider and birth place. I started off with a DO at 9 weeks, changed to a midwife group at 27 weeks, interviewed a homebirth midwife shortly after, and then finally felt like I had a sure answer on what was best for that birth. Things would have turned out so differently if I would have given up on interviewing and searching past 9 weeks. What a blessing it was to have all that time to really ponder and know what was best.